4 Simple Ways to Kick the Telling Habit

I received and email from Annie Oortman on 4 Simple Ways to Kick the Telling Habit:



Don’t say the Old Lady screamed… bring her on and let her scream.—Mark Twain.



“Show, don’t tell.” That adage has struck fear in many a writer’s heart. But turning “telling” into “showing” is easy if you’re willing to take a critical look at your prose and perform a bit of rewriting.



1. Get Rid of Filters

The easiest way to kick the telling habit is to find filters in your writing. They’re dull phrases of unnecessary realization: He saw, she heard, Sandy realized, Joe noticed, Henry thought, she felt, they listened, he looked, she observed, they anticipated, etc. Stopping to think in the middle of action is like stopping to scratch or blow our noses. Not something your reader needs to be a part of.



He thought of himself as a strong-willed person. (telling)
He was strong-willed. (showing)


She believed Joe had cheated on her. (telling)
Joe had cheated on her. (showing)

The policeman looked like he didn’t believe me. (telling)
The policeman didn’t believe me. (showing)

2. Say Bye-Bye to Expletives

Expletives are it is/was, it has been, there is/was/were, and there has been sentence starters, and they’re so-o-o-o-o telling because (1) their vagueness hurts your ability to show your story and (2) they put emotional distance between the character and the reader.


It was true he was a strong-willed person. (telling)
He was strong-willed. (showing)

It seemed Joe had cheated on her. (telling)
Joe had cheated on her. (showing)

It was pretty evident the policeman didn’t believe me. (telling)
The policemen didn’t believe me. (showing)


3. Eliminate Dialog Tags

Dialog tags are the he saids, she saids that identify a speaker and are telling at its worst. If you’ve written dialog well, you need only an occasional reminder to the reader of who is speaking. You also don’t need to sneak movement or major information into a dialog tag. Make the movement or other information a separate sentence.


“Hi, Joan,” Helen said, her grocery cart coming to rest by a row of fresh produce.
“Hi, yourself,” Joan said, turning to see her old friend.
“What do you plan to do this weekend?” Helen asked, forcing a smile.
“Tom and I are going out on the boat Saturday,” Joan responded in a strained voice.
“Oh, well, if you’re interested, Brad and I are having a cook-out Saturday night about seven,” Helen said with a shrug.
“We’ll see,” Joan laughed nervously. “Thanks.”

Be careful about –ly adverbs like nervously—they tell, too. This conversation doesn’t even make clear whose POV we’re in.

“Hi, Joan.”
A grocery cart bumped into the display of red and yellow peppers. Joan turned to see an old friend her husband didn’t care for.
“Hi yourself!” Joan picked up a pepper rolling on the floor and returned it to the display.
“Have any plans for the weekend?”
“Tom and I are taking the boat out Saturday.”
“Oh, sure.” A shrug. “Well, Brad and I are having friends for a cook-out Saturday night about seven. If you’re interested.”
“We’ll see.” Joan started moving down the aisle. “Thanks.” She couldn’t look back.


4. Eliminate Passive Voice (as much as possible)

Passive voice (a form of “to be” + past participle… was broken, had been eaten, was explained) is one of the most common ways of telling. Writing in passive voice tells the action, which weakens the conflict you’re illustrating.


Miranda was told her husband had been seen with a neighbor lady several times. (telling)

Took a minute for Miranda to absorb the truth. Her husband spent a lot of time with the chick who lived down the street. A lot. She put her coffee down and headed for the work shed. She‘d kill the jerk. (showing)


The crevasse was being skied over by men desperate to avoid the avalanche. (telling)
Desperate to avoid the avalanche, the men skied over the crevasse. (showing)

Brady was tormented by memories of the accident. (telling)
Memories of the accident tormented Brady. (showing)

Something to Think About

"Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." Gilda Radner

Learning to Lean

Mildred Colvin, a talented writer from one of my ACFW critique groups, has recently published her latest book, Learning to Lean, on Amazon. Check it out!
What woman wants the Brady Bunch reruns to take over her life? For that matter, what man wants that kind of responsibility? None, right?

Heather Conway, daycare owner and widowed mother of three, has no extra money and very little faith. Where was God when her husband died, leaving her with no insurance, no income, and facing bankruptcy? Her fourteen-year-old son is getting out of control, she needs something better than their two-bedroom rental to live in, and she just bumped into a man who has her heart beating overtime. If she were sensible, she’d latch onto a childless, wealthy man who could give her the security she craves.

Matt Sanders has just moved to town with his three kids and placed them into Heather’s daycare while he gets his Jack-of-all-trades construction/repair business off the ground. He may appear to be poor, but he has more going for him than meets the eye. His admiration for Heather soon turns into love as their families intertwine through church activities and work on her daycare.
But six kids? Maybe Matt and Heather would be better off as friends. They soon find it’s hard to let go of the security they see and blindly trust God to take care of their tomorrows. Learning to lean on God can take a lifetime or maybe only a lesson in trust.

Learning to Lean is a full-length contemporary sweet romance.

Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/Learning-to-Lean-ebook/dp/B004WKUUIQ/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=books&qid=1303092116&sr=8-9

Please pass this on and support our wonderful writers.

Bullying

This subject is a little different than what I usually blog, but I have to talk about bullying. I have recently finished a YA inspirational fiction about bullying called Bullied to Death.

When Chloe drowns herself in the family pond, four lives drown in the aftermath. Now they must learn how to live without her while their faith hangs in the balance. Chloe's parents separate because blaming each other is easier than trying to love through the pain. Her brother seeks revenge. Sophia, Chloe's best friend, has to find a way to get through high school and defend herself against the same group of bullies. It's a battle of faith and grief. When Chloe's journal surfaces, can God's love see them through the truth?

Bullying needs to end. Period. Now, how can we make it stop? I just watched a series of videos showing several children who have committed suicide over bullying. My prayers go out to these families. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE5yINOn4N4&feature=related

My daughter is also bullied. She and I are close; spending time together and talking every day. Until I started writing this book, I didn't know the extent of it. I soon found out she never confided in me about everything. I asked her to start a journal. This was in March. She started with an entry in January. The bully had kicked her in the stomach! She never told me. Had I not asked her to start this journal, I may never have known.
That's one thing I encourage parents. Have your children write in a journal, especially if you suspect they are being bullied. Luckily, my child allowed me to read her journal so I could place the entries as chapters in my book. But I feel that parents should read their children's journal or diaries. Is it going against privacy? Maybe. However, there are some things parents need to know. Most often, children do not always tell others when they are being bullied.
Why? My daughter says two reasons: she doesn't want to be a tattle-tale, and two, it makes the bullying worse.
In future blogs, I will discuss what I find during my research of this subject. I pray God will work through me to share my findings with you.
Please feel free to comment. I would love to hear what you think. Also, if you have stories to share, I'd love to hear about them too.
If it's not too much to ask, please forward my blog out to others so we can discuss this in a wide range. My hopes for my book is to help others, including parents and bullies, see what bullying can do through the words of their victim. I also pray that my work gives victims out there the knowledge of God and a helping hand. There are options, just suicide shouldn't be one of them.

To God be the Glory

I subscribe to a great website called Sermons 4 Kids, and every week I get an email, giving me a sermon. I just love this website as it's so easy to understand and gives lessons me and my kids can discuss. I will start posting these here, on my blog, so I can share them with you, too.

Theme: Glorifying God in every situation. (Fourth Sunday in Lent)

Object: A hymnal

Scripture: As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:1-3 (NIV)

Did you know that Fanny Crosby, the writer who wrote a hymn called "To God Be the Glory," a wonderful hymn of praise to the Lord. As well as "All the Way My Savior Leads Me" tells about how Jesus leads us through the difficult times in our life. Another hymn written by Fanny Crosby is "Blessed Assurance, Jesus Is Mine."

When Fanny was six weeks old, she had an eye infection. Her regular doctor was out of town, and a man posing as a doctor gave her the wrong treatment. Within a few days, she was blind. If that happened to me, I am afraid I would be very bitter and I would probably spend a lifetime feeling sorry for myself. Fanny was never bitter and she never felt sorry for herself. When she was only eight years old, she wrote this poem:

Oh, what a happy child I am,

Although I can not see.

I am resolved that in this world,

Contented I will be.

How many blessings I enjoy

That other people don't.

To weep and sigh because I'm blind,

I cannot and I won't!

Instead of being bitter and feeling sorry for herself, Fanny used the gifts that God had given her to write over 8,000 hymns and poems to praise and glorify God.

One day Jesus was walking with his disciples when they passed by a blind man. When they saw him, the disciples asked Jesus who was to blame for the man's blindness. Was it because of his sin or was it because of his parent's sins? Jesus answered them and told them that no one was to blame, he was blind so that God's works could be shown in him. Then Jesus healed the man and the people praised and glorified God for his goodness.

What about Fanny Crosby? God didn't heal her blindness. Perhaps if God had healed her, she might never have written all of those beautiful hymns -- and the world would never have heard of Fanny Crosby. She used the tragedy of her blindness to glorify God. I pray that tragedy will never come into your life, but if it does, remember that everything that happens can be used to praise and glorify God!

Dear Lord, the difficulties in our life seem small when compared to what others may be facing. Help us not to grumble and complain, but to praise and glorify you in every situation. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Resource:

http://sermons4kids.com/to-god-be-glory.html



How true. My goal is to write a scripture down every Friday--give us something to think about as we head into the weekend. God is good.

Avoiding 8 Mistakes Self-Publishers Make

Well, while I'm writing another novel, thoughts about self-publishing have come to mind. I found an article by Peter Bowerman called 8 Mistakes Self-Publishers Make And How to Avoid Them! I found this article very helpful and I copied some of the main points below.

Mistake #1. You wrote an unnecessary book (this is especially true for non-fiction), but when writing the book you need to make sure there's a market for it.


Mistake # 2. You have a bad book cover - you may want to hire a graphic artist, and not one from your printer place


Mistake # 3. Your title is lame - pretty self-explanatory


Mistake # 4. You didn’t hire an editor and a proofreader - it's extremely important to find someone to look over your book that isn't related to you.


Mistake # 5. You think small (Part One) - don't just celebrate any validation (getting minor publicity) you deserve to be there.


Mistake # 6. You promote the old-fashioned way - Go through the Internet and target your audience and promote, promote, promote.


Mistake # 7. You think small (Part Two) - Sending out a few dozen review copies isn't enough. Think big and send out 350-400 copies (just an example.) 


Mistake # 8. You forgot that you have just ONE job - you may want to hire someone to help you promote.
 
Here's the website, http://www.aboutfreelancewriting.com/2009/05/8-mistakes-self-publishers-make-and-how-to-avoid-them-guest-article-by-peter-bowerman/ if you want to check it out. Plus, aboutfreelancingwriting.com is a great place to find freelance writing jobs.
 
Let me know what you think and if you are self-published.